Thirsty mob forms outside The Monument as ridiculously hot couple announce open relationship


There has been sheer mayhem in the streets today following the news that local pair of 10s, Ethan and Jax, have decided to open up their relationship following 4 years of monogamy.

The objectively hot couple made the announcement via their joint Instagram account @wheyhotterthanyou, in which they spelt out the words 'SPITROAST TIME' in an Art Attack-style flat lay of assorted AussieBums.

Since then, the Apple store has reportedly been flooded with cracked screen repairs from people double-tapping too forcefully.

Moreover, what started as a small crowd of people outside their apartment building has now turned into a cumthirsty mob, brandishing lubricant and home-made signs displaying their stats.

Obviously petrified, the Adonis-like couple have pleaded with the savages to leave them be, and instead slide into their DMs like they normally would to begin the 10-step screening process.

Sean Corcoran