The Colombian reportedly holding cage dancers captive and depriving of food to sustain six-packs


Inexplicably popular nightspot, The Colombian Hotel, has been accused of imprisoning their cage dancers and depriving them of basic food and water, as a sinister way of maintaining their profit-pulling six-packs.

This shocking finding was only recently discovered thanks to a customer watching one of the Saturday night shows, and recognised one ripped dancer's vogueing as a hidden message in AUSLAN.

The Colombian pocket rocket is said to have communicated that "They've thrown out the key. I can't escape. Stop buying me shots I need NUTRITION!"

Fed only a diet of vodka sodas and fake money, the helpless South American party boys are literally twerking for their lives.

The Colombian Hotel was approached for comment, but we were instead given front row table-tops to the show and 2-for-1 drink vouchers. All ethics aside, those abs were really popping and we'll definitely be back.

Sean Corcoran