Study finds humans are 60% water but gays are 60% Aperol Spritz

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The biology world is shooketh after the results of a year-long study have revealed that gay men are in fact three parts Prosecco, two parts Aperol, one part soda water and some other parts flesh and stuff.

"Whilst scientifically impossible," says researcher Dr Anne, "this also makes a lot of sense. Gay men are known to be at first sweet, but over time quite bitter. Salty, even.”

“And despite a bubbly, flamboyant and garish exterior, on the inside they're as painfully transparent and flat as the soda water that runs through their veins."

It's not shade. It's science.

Sean Corcoran