REPORT: Gay men physically incapable of riding elevators without taking a selfie

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"EMERGENCY stop right now! Thankyou very much - this is going to make my Insta story even MORE basic!"

A new study undertaken by the Vanity Institute for Local Egg-heads (VILE), has found that almost all homosexual men are biologically engineered to photograph themselves when riding a inside a mirrored elevator.

"However pointless and vapid the undertaking may be," says Professor Jennings, "gays it seems are hell-bent on documenting this monotonous everyday moment."

It's been revealed that the arguably flattering down-lighting in most elevators is what also contributes to these unimaginative queens whipping out their phones, almost as if their lives depended on it.

"Sometimes I'll actually spend a whole day in the elevator trying to get the shot," says Pedro. "But maybe tussle my hair a bit so it looks like I was just popping down for a coffee. It's a lot of effort, but it’s art. And like they say, the Cissy Chapel wasn't painted in a day!"

Sean Corcoran