Faked death conspiracy theory grows as locals notice Sealvester's Grindr profile "Online 1hr ago"


"Who fakes their own death just to avoid writing back? What a total fuckseal."


Elizabeth Bay furries have been thrown into a state of verile confusion over the weekend after noticing the once-thought-dead seal and self-proclaimed 'Dom Masc Top' log back onto Grindr, despite his well-publicised death.

Sealvester, who sent quite a wave of excitement through the Rushcutters beat-going community, had become the most highly sought after hookup since his arrival in the area in late March.

"He just knew what he was doing," says one anonymous hornbag. "I love a big and burly man, but Sealvester took things to a whole new level of domination. Human hands just can slap like a big wet flipper can, y'know?"

Other former partners weren't so complimentary.

"It's pretty clear that he must've faked his own death just to avoid writing back. And now he's suddenly online again? What a total fuckseal."

Sean Corcoran