Circuit queen reckons this Heaps Gay party is "heaps weird"

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Jax doesn't know how he ended up in the basement of an abandoned retirement home in Marrickville, but he does know that he's not enjoying himself.

For starters, he thinks too many people have their shirts on. And those that don't have all turned them into misshapen headdresses. Even this minimal level of artistic expression is proving too much for Jax.

"I would do a runner," he says, "but the way I came in is now blocked by a drag queen riding an alpaca. Or is it the other way around? Fuck bro I don't even know."

Part of Jax's anxiety also stems from the music he's hearing, which has a melody, and doesn't sound anything like the rattle of a broken air conditioner he's used to.

"All these kumbaya vibes are freaking me out," says Jax. "I came here to get laid, not lei'd."

Things are only going to get worse for Jax when he realises that the after party is in Betty Grumble's left armpit.

Sean Corcoran