"Only 4 months til Halloween Whores!" squeals queen with not much going on

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Local glitter-snorter, Danny, has finally decided to stop talking about how great Cher was at Mardi Gras, and has now transitioned to getting excited about the "upcoming" Halloween Whores party.

Danny has downloaded a countdown app on his phone, which he has been screenshotting every day and posting to his Insta story along with various spooky and/or slutty emojis.

He has deleted all his other apps apart from Instagram and this countdown thing.

"I don't have any hobbies, interests or passions outside of wanting to look hot AF for this party that will literally be a few hours of my life" says Danny.

We pressed Danny further on this but he just made a series of tongue pops for five whole minutes until finally:

"I've already started a pinterest board for costume inspiration. It'll probably end up bigger than my board for fabulous-looking moss. Oh that's right - moss! I'm SO into moss. But literally nothing else! LOL. Did I mention I'm single?"

The tongue pops continued...

Sean Corcoran